Belonging

It's Saturday and after a sick week stuck at home, once again I feel restless. I wonder if tomorrow I'll go unnoticed again at any church anywhere in the world. Of course, that is a silly thought but one that strikes me often.

Most mornings I am the first to naturally wake up. I lie in bed nursing our littlest while reading a book or piddling around on my phone. Sunday morning is no exception to that fact but it's on Sunday that I consider sneaking out of bed to get ready. Actually, on more than one occasion, I have gotten fully showered, dressed, and then backed out of leaving my sleeping family to go to church.

Strange.

I'm called from deep within my soul to find a spiritual community to belong with. To contribute to and fill my own cup in the process. It's turning into a very long, very complicated, nearly deadly challenge. I'm not enjoying it in the least.

Most mornings, I am content to sit and rest in the morning with my babies - except Sunday where all judgement comes front and center and the lack of belonging hangs in the air like an illness or a witness of orphan status. As if painting a sign around stating you don't fit anywhere.

It's even further interesting to me as I type this uncensored that things came up I didn't expect. When thinking of the architypes or characteristics that can be displayed - certainly my orphan architype is working overtime to battle this faith journey.

It's not enough to have faith, I want to belong to something founded on common ties as well.

Another Sunday will rise in the morning tomorrow, another day I will belong to no faith community and I'm OK with that, today.