Oh what a week.
I have something NEW to say! I'm being bullied, and moreso, I'm allowing myself to be bullied because I just don't give a shit. Or.... I really DO give a shit (because NO ONE in their right mind rights a blog about things that are meaningless aye?) but instead of whining - I wanted to share a great revelation through this very brutal attack that came to me this week!
The concept of Grace!
I remember the first time I heard the word grace in the context of religious beliefs, I remember thinking that it was a concept that was as real as believing in the tooth fairy leaving you money. Fast forward 10 years to today and I can tell you I'm about as firm believer in Grace as anyone ever. This week is a good example of that. I was bullied out of a support group this week and instead of retracting my arm and punching the living day lights out of the person, I sat quietly.... I pondered.... I prayed. I withheld the temptation to freak the fuck out on them. Well, that's not entirely true... I wrote a REALLY nasty response and then deleted it and it felt GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!
After writing it, but before sending it, I prayed. Strange, new, and very vulnerable concept to me still, but it is becoming my lifeline. And the damnest thing happen.... I didn't want to send it anymore. I didn't want to share any of my pain, any of my opinions, any of my personal experiences, nothing. I felt light, alive, and powerful. I felt almost as if someone were holding me through it and saying 'leave it and walk with me'. So, I stuck with minimal words, I went for a run, I let it out without giving another piece of ammo to this person. It felt liberating and I think this feeling was a real life concept of Gods Grace with me!
Tonight I'll lay down feeling the continued peace and tomorrow morning, like every other morning for months, my sweet family will go to church and refill our cups from the source.
And if men come unto me I will show unto them theiraweakness. I bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my cgrace is sufficient for all men that dhumble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make eweak things become strong unto them.
Grace. What an amazing concept!
Dear Macy,
ReplyDeleteI think you understand the gospel better than many people who have been members their entire lives. It's been awesome to watch you learn and grow and question. You were an awesome person and mother and wife before you took this journey, but I can see the growth and softening and refining as you become even more AWESOME. You took all the good you had in your life and you've used the gospel to make it better. I love watching that example and it encourages me to work harder to really use the gospel in my life. To really live it and study it and grow and not just float along happy with normal. You are amazing and I'm so grateful to have you as a friend!